Bi-Sexuality & The Orgasm Gap
Last week on The Slut Show I talked to Sophie about her coming out as lesbian, in a conservative Polish family. We discussed everything from sex-toys to eating pussy, realising she is gay and way more. In todays episode the bi-sexual Kaia Manoeli is joining me to discuss her sexuality. We are talking about the male dominated porn industry, cum on your face and questioning your sexuality growing up in a heteronormative society.
There continues to be a sense of taboo around young women’s sexuality. In particular sexual desire outside of heteronormative ideals. The majority of school-based sex education promotes abstinence and classifies porn as harmful.
Mainstream porn, which is often the same as commercialized porn, often begins and ends with male pleasure. Moving from an erection to climax. Women’s pleasure is usually secondary. It is frequently based on the fact that her male partner has been satisfied or the woman is ‘given’ an orgasm by her male partner. This is usually with his penis and in the lead-up to his own climax.
As objects for male pleasure, women are objectified, dehumanized, and depersonalized. The continued focus is on oral, vaginal and anal penetration of the women. Girl-on-girl action or threesomes are undertaken mostly for the pleasure of the heterosexual male performer and -consumer.
The absence or trivialization of female pleasure is common. Women are portrayed as passive. Whereas men are portrayed to be the initiators of sex and the ‘givers’ of orgasms.
Therefore many women derive pleasure from lesbian porn over heterosexual porn. Even though often this type of porn does not at all resemble their offline desires. Resulting in straight behavior offline versus watching lesbian porn online.
The conflict between sexual pleasure and gratification among women is palpable. Heterosexuality continues to be normalized, legitimatized and even privileged within society, while non-heterosexual relationships remain to be questioned.
‘Compulsory heterosexuality’ denies womens’ own sexuality by placing it as dependent upon men’s pleasure. This privileging of heterosexual relationships can deny space to discuss non-heterosexual fantasies, which appears to create concern and anxiety about the possibility of ‘being gay’.
But why are women so scared to be gay if lesbian women orgasm in 21% more sexual encounters than their heterosexual fellow women do?
As a matter of fact, lesbian women orgasm in 86% of sexual encounters. For bi-sexual women that is 66% of sexual encounters, ending with a disappointing 65% orgasm rate amongst heterosexual women during their sexual encounters. Like Kaia stated: “Man I got a raw deal.”
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Lots of love,
‘The Slut Show With Ellen Moore’: A place to speak openly about shit you and I have to deal with on a daily basis. About feminism, insecurities, feeling like a bomb ass bitch and obviously about loads of sex. Raw, real and uncensored, Ellen Moore brings you your weekly dose of empowerment.
- Frederick, D. A., John, H. K. S., Garcia, J. R., & Lloyd, E. A. (2017). Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 47(1), 273–288. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-0939-z
- Meehan, C. (2020). ‘Lesbian porn. Anything girl on girl’: young women’s understandings of their engagement with lesbian porn. Porn Studies, 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1080/23268743.2020.1756389
- Séguin, L. J., Rodrigue, C., & Lavigne, J. (2017). Consuming Ecstasy: Representations of Male and Female Orgasm in Mainstream Pornography. The Journal of Sex Research, 55(3), 348–356. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2017.1332152