Dating With A Complicated Past

Last week on The Slut Show we discussed how many bedpartners we have and how we feel that our looks have contributed to that amount. Today we are breaking down taboos and tearing up the stigmas that surround a rather controversial subject: domestic abuse. For the very first time I am publicly speaking out about my personal history with the topic and how this plays a role in my dating life.

Trigger-Warning: this Slutty Science article and the accompanying episode of The Slut Show contains mentions of and talk about domestic abuse.

When I started my YouTube channel years ago, I had no idea where I wanted to take it. All I knew was that if I could make just one person happy with the content I created, I would have succeeded my goal. Many years and many videos later I found the answer. I want to create a safe space for people to ask questions without judgement and to tell stories without disbelief. I want to create a place on the internet designated for uncensored honesty. This episode is one that lays particularly close to my heart, because it touches on a subject I have been told to keep my mouth shut about for my entire life.

Please note: this article contains information about domestic abuse, which may be triggering for some readers.

My name is Ellen Moore and I am a survivor of domestic abuse.

What we experience in our lives shapes us to be the person we grow up to be. For me abuse plays a big role in my life, as I was abused both mentally and physically as a kid.

Child physical abuse and neglect represent the two most frequent forms of child maltreatment. Nearly 25% of children experience physical abuse and over 16% experience physical neglect globally. That means that every 1 in 4 (!) children are abused.

Although defining both physical abuse and neglect remains challenging, we can most certainly state that protecting children from maltreatment is complicated. It requires active efforts of prevention and intervention at the individual, family, community, and societal levels. 

Child abuse pediatricians often carry the stigma that their sole role is to diagnose maltreatment. In reality however, child abuse pediatricians use their clinical experience to make the best medical diagnoses possible for the children they evaluate.

When we look at the legal outcomes of medically evaluated children a study shows that out of the total group – of 1698 children – a little more than 28% of children got diagnosed with at least one type of maltreatment. 

Of that 28% of diagnosed abused children less than 32% of cases - involving 151 children - went to court. Meaning that of thirty abused children, hardly ten cases make it to court. Leaving 325 abused children – in this particular study – without any form of legal justice. Therefore it is safe to say that the majority of suspected maltreatment cases, seen by child abuse pediatricians, did not result in criminal court outcomes.

Even though many cases do not result in criminal court outcomes, they do have a lasting effect on the abused children. Research shows that child maltreatment is a risk factor for adolescent dating violence. 

Child abuse and neglect form a widespread and severe disorder of the child – caregiver relationship. Besides being exposed to physical harm, abused children and adolescents frequently suffer from severe psychological, emotional, cognitive and behavioural disorders that can lead to significant mental and emotional distress concluding in burdened lives. 

Medical findings in physical abuse have the highest potential to be noticed by physicians, because they are more likely to stand out than mental abuse. In child sexual abuse the examination –  in the majority of cases – shows no physical evidence and thus rarely serves for diagnostic or forensic purposes. Therefore mental and sexual abuse are the most likely forms of abuse to go unseen.

When I did the research for this weeks ‘Slutty Science’ segment, the facts hit home. I came to the realization that if I don’t speak up about it, this will continue to happen and more so I will never live fully if I hide a part of myself.

So here it is. The end of my silence and the beginning of my battle against the taboos, stigmas, blame and shame. I refuse to remain silent. Not only because I have nothing left to lose and everything to gain, but mainly because this is my story. It is mine to be told and if I don’t reclaim it, I will always be afraid. Like Martin Luther King once said “Our lives begin to end, the day we become silent about things that matter”. So I won’t. I am not a victim for sharing my story, I am a survivor setting fire to the lies of my abusers. 

Interested in hearing more? You can now watch the full episode of The Slut Show on YouTube or listen to it on your favorite podcast platform- now also on Apple Podcasts & Spotify! Either way make sure to subscribe and turn on the notification bell, to get notified of new uploads.

Want to send in questions for our mail-segment? Want to be on the show yourself or do you have suggestions for subjects to talk about? Don’t hesitate and hit us up on Instagram @TheSlutShowWithEllenMoore!

We hope to see you on our socials and for now, Sluts Out!

Lots of love,

Ellen Moore.

‘The Slut Show With Ellen Moore’: A place to speak openly about shit you and I have to deal with on a daily basis. About feminism, insecurities, feeling like a bomb ass bitch and obviously about loads of sex. Raw, real and uncensored, Ellen Moore brings you your weekly dose of empowerment.

Sources

• Hendrix, A. D., Conway, L. K., & Baxter, M. A. (2020). Legal Outcomes of Suspected Maltreatment Cases Evaluated by a Child Abuse Pediatrician as Part of a Multidisciplinary Team Investigation. Journal of Forensic Sciences, 65(5), 1517–1523. https://doi.org/10.1111/1556-4029.14463
• Herrmann, B. (2019). Maltreatment, Physical and Sexual Abuse. Harper’s Textbook of Pediatric Dermatology, 2219–2239. https://doi.org/10.1002/9781119142812.ch164
• Rodriguez, C. M., & Gonzalez, S. (2020). Child Physical Abuse and Neglect. The Encyclopedia of Child and Adolescent Development, 1–11. https://doi.org/10.1002/9781119171492.wecad224
• WEKERLE, C. H. R. I. S. T. I. N. E., WOLFE, D. A. V. I. D. A., HAWKINS, D. L. Y. N. N., PITTMAN, A. N. N. A.-L. E. E., GLICKMAN, A. S. H. L. E. Y., & LOVALD, B. E. N. E. D. I. C. T. E. E. (2001). Childhood maltreatment, posttraumatic stress symptomatology, and adolescent datingviolence: Considering the value of adolescent perceptions of abuse and a trauma mediationalmodel. Development and Psychopathology, 13(4), 847–871. https://doi.org/10.1017/s0954579401004060
• Wolfe, D. A., Wekerle, C., Scott, K., Straatman, A.-L., & Grasley, C. (2004). Predicting Abuse in Adolescent Dating Relationships Over 1 Year: The Role of Child Maltreatment and Trauma. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 113(3), 406–415. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843x.113.3.406